Just stand huddling together in the same spot in the park where I have been all afternoon. I feel close to Ella here, simply because it is the last place that I saw her. It’s almost as if, if I wish hard enough, I might be able to make her rematerialise in front of my eyes at any moment. She won’t, of course, but somehow it feels like the right place to be. ‘I took a call on my mobile,’ I say as we watch the toing and froing of the coppers in the park. Alex looks at me. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘When she disappeared. My phone rang and I answered it. I was too busy talking to some dickhead trying to arrange training sessions to hear anything.’ ‘You would still have heard if she’d screamed.’ ‘Yeah, but she didn’t, did she? And I don’t know why because I was on the fucking phone.’ ‘It’s not your fault,’ he says, taking my hand. He means it too, which is what makes it worse. Usually when Alex puts up the scaffolding around me I am grateful. Today it simply makes me feel even more of a cow than I already feel.
What do You think about While My Eyes Were Closed?
